Riding the Whirlwind
by Taenzcher
Summary: Katherine Elizabeth arrives from London with news for John and is swept up into the war that follows his murder.
1. Sea Crossing

It continued to amazed her, the difference an ocean can make. She'd heard stories, of course, but experiencing United States culture firsthand was something else entirely. She was already noticing odd looks because of her European dress style, she usually did; it was obviously a little more revealing than what they wore here, but the biggest difference she always noticed was the noise. She loved it. England was, for the most part, quiet and tranquil, and _boring_. Here there were always noises of wagons going by, train whistles, stampedes, cowboys on horses, and, most frequently, gunshots.

She started as she heard one closeby. Looking around for the source of the noise, she saw nothing but a group of bewildered looking men rush out of a store down the street and look around. She saw no sign of the person who had actually fired the gun. Once satisfied that she was in no real danger, she continued looking straight ahead, waiting for the coach.

Out of the corner of her eye, she barely noticed the young man running at her. He was looking over his shoulder, so he didn't see her either until they collided. They fell right into and then over a short fence around a cow pen. The girl landed on her back, hitting her head on the water trough and falling unconscious. The young man who had pushed her fought for balance before toppling right onto her. He looked up and found himself face to...well, not _quite_ face to face with the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

But he had no time to gawk. He heard a voice say "Howdy" and he looked up to find the barrel of a shotgun looking back at him. The owner of the voice(and the gun) was sitting next to an older gentleman on the seat of a small cart. The boy in the pen scrambled to his knees and pointed his own pistol at the blond man holding the shotgun.

"Go on lad, get in," the older man invited, "Don't be afraid."

The boy stared at the two in the cart for a moment, then holstered his six-shooter and climbed into the cart, lying down low. He spared a look back into the pen, but the posts hid the girl. Obviously the other two hadn't seen him run into her, and he was glad for that. The man driving spared the boy a welcoming glance, then turned to the blond man and motioned for him to lower his gun. He did so, asking,

"What's your name, kid?"

"William Bonney."

Billy was hoping to avoid most conversation during the ride, but the driver started talking, introducing himself as John Tunstall and the blond man as Josiah. Josiah countered,

"Most call me Doc."

John tried to strike up a decent dialogue by asking Billy where he was from, what kind of work could he do...but it seemed to be a one-way street. Billy gave the shortest possible answers to every question, and eventually John allowed the conversation to die away. The rest of the trip was silent but for the sound of the cart's wheels turning and the horses' hooves pounding the ground.


	2. Awakening

In the cowpen, Kate, the young woman Billy had run over was slowly coming to. Her icy gray eyes snapped open, and she surveyed the scene from the ground. _Hay? What? _she thought, confused and achy. Remembering then how she'd gotten there, she groaned. She'd probably missed her ride, now. She sat up, slowly, and looked around for the man who had knocked her over. Her eyebrows narrowed as she realized he'd gone. _Bloody wanker_. She pressed a hand to the back of her head, feeling the decent sized bump that had formed. She cursed him again, and began to stand, very carefully. It took a moment before her eyes were focused again; the street seemed to rock back and forth in front of her eyes. She thought she might faint as her vision filled with blackness and stars, and she swayed where she stood. She closed her eyes and waited for the sensation to pass.

Her small black suitcase lay where she had been standing, and she walked to pick it up. _First things first, I guess I'll need a new wardrobe._ She set off for the nearest clothier, wondering what would be next. Getting the clothes was easy enough, though the girl working in the store was more than helpful- more than once Kate had to tell her to just leave her alone as she changed. She finally found two day dresses and one formal one, along with a few accessories to shut the salesgirl up. When she also picked up a pair of trousers, a vest, and a shirt with a necktie, the girl looked mortified, mouth hanging slightly open as she added it all up. Kate winked at her as she packed her purchases away and left. She walked out of the store dressed in the dark red day dress and a derby hat trimmed with ribbon and flowers, and walked across the street.

"Pardon me," she called as she reached a group of men standing in front of Murphy's, "but do any of you know where I can catch a coach?"

The men cast her glances that made her extremely self conscious, roaming up and down her figure and exchanging smirks with each other, but she held it together, clearing her throat and continuing,

"Or where I can buy a-a horse?" despite herself, her voice wavered the tiniest bit, and the men noticed it. Their smirks widened. She looked from man to man, not finding a single amiable face among them. Thinking she'd have more luck inside, she strode past the men, keeping her head high and eyes forward. To her relief, the salesboy inside was younger and more polite by far than the crowd outside. He even offered to sell her his own horse.

"You won't have much luck with anyone else," he told her when she tried to refuse. She thought of those outside, and had to agree. He took her around the store, pulling things he thought she'd need- saddle bags, a bedroll, a couple blankets- from shelves here and there, then taking her out back to show her the horse.

Kate was impressed. It was a beautiful roan gelding, at least fifteen and a half hands high. It let Kate come up and stroke his neck without snorting.

She couldn't tell the boy how thankful she was for this, so instead she paid him for the merchandise, and for the horse she paid easily three times what it was worth. He stuttered,

"B-but this i-is...it's too much..." and tried to give her change.

Kate turned from packing the saddle bags and pressed the money firmly back into his hand.

"Just try to save some of it, huh?" She thanked the boy again and secured the saddle before swinging herself astride the horse.

Her plan had been to go straight to Tunstall's, but looking at the sun she saw she might not make it by nightfall. She changed her course, and headed instead for the nearest boardinghouse. She tied up her horse and entered to see the place almost empty, and the man behind the desk looking at her from under narrowed eyelids. He growled a room number at her as she put the bills on the counter, and roughly tossed the room key across the desk. Kate caught it as it fell to the floor, thanked him, confused, and went upstairs to room number four. She tried to put the key in the lock, but as she pushed on it, the door swung open, unlocked. Her odd feeling was going from bad to worse.


	3. Delivery

Kate awoke feeling a little less than refreshed. She'd had some...very _active_ neighbors last night. After she dressed, she wandered downstairs to ask for directions to John Tunstall's place. It took a fair bit of coaxing, but eventually the sour man behind the desk gave her some vague ideas about where to go. _Better than nothing...maybe._ she thought as she saddled her horse and rode out. If she followed this road, he'd said...and then...well, she'd deal with later when it came.

Dick was watching the cattle, as he did every day, when he saw something out of place. A single rider on a horse, coming pretty fast. He squinted into the distance, but couldn't make out the rider. A few moments more and he saw it was a woman in a dark red and white dress. _No need to get the Regulators..._and he rode toward her alone.

She hoped the man who rode towards her was a friendly one. She slowed her horse as he approached, and waited to find out, hand on her pistol, just in case. His horse came to a stop right in front of hers, and she saw that he wore a dark hat, had a stern but honest face, and his eyes held a hint of suspicion. She took his moment of hesitation to speak first,

"Is this...John Tunstall's place?"

"Who's askin'?"

"I am," she joked. At his obvious lack of amusement, she added, "I'm sorry, it's private business. Family business from London. Is he here now?"

Dick only nodded, and led the way up to the house.

John was sitting outside as the two of them arrived. He stood as Kate dismounted, and asked Dick,

"Well, Richard, who is this young lady?"

"She said you'd know," he answered.

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't, Miss...?"

"Kate," she said, drawing a silver locket from her dress.

John held the locket in his hand, examining it, then raised his head.

"Katherine? My Katherine?"

At her ecstatic smile and eager nod, he swept her up into a tight embrace. Dick looked on, wondering if this girl was John's wife.

"How you've changed!" he said, releasing her.

"And you! You look so...American!"

They laughed, as if this were some joke they'd shared in the past.Dick still stood next to his horse, unsure of whether to return to his duty or try to learn more. John turned and noticed him.

"Oh, Katy, this is Richard, one of my Regulators."

"Oh, yes. I thought he had to have been," she held out her hand and Dick kissed it.

"Well, Miss Kate, I best be gettin' back to work. Been a pleasure," he said from his saddle as he tipped his hat to her. She nodded and curtsied. Once Dick's horse was clear of the horizon, Kate unloaded her horse and carried her bags inside.

"You know, I almost didn't make it here." she told John when they sat down in the living room.

"Oh?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it was very odd, actually..." and she told him of why she'd missed her ride.

John smiled to himself as he realized the reason she'd been late was outside feeding the pigs, but out loud he expressed nothing but disbelief and concern. Then Kate sighed and ventured a guess,

"They don't know who I am, do they? The Regulators." Kate sounded almost disappointed.

"_I_ scarcely believed I'd ever see you again, love. I had no reason to believe they needed to know," he said in apology.

He hugged her again and kissed her cheek.

"Now then. How was your trip, love?"

"My trip was...goodness. I do need a bath," she complained, fingering her hair.


	4. Remembering

John recruited another of his Regulators to fill the bathtub while he and Kate continued to talk.

"You should know the real reason I came-"

"There will be more time for that later," he interrupted her, and took the conversation to the more superficial topic of what was new in London.

Kate filled him in quickly with every bit of news, gossip, or scandal that she could remember. She told him of places in America she'd visited after their short reunions over the years in Lincoln. He in turn told her of his trouble with the local store-owners and the sheriff and their corrupt dealings, and of his education of the frontier street boys who became his Regulators. When Kate started to show interest in them, John changed the subject by showing her to the bathroom.

Once alone with a bathtub full of hot water, Kate breathed a sigh of relief. She allowed for a few minutes to just soak up the heat before scrubbing all traces of her long journey out of her tired skin. She pinned her wet hair in place with her comb and leaned her head against the edge of the tub, sighing again contentedly. She stretched out her arms and rested them along the side, drumming her fingers on the tub as the water turned lukewarm. It felt like ages since she'd bathed. It had actually been seven days. Seven long days since the news had reached her at her London townhouse and she'd been asked to deliver it personally to John. That had been seven days to think about how to tell him. She continued to think about it in the bath as the water went from lukewarm to almost cold.

Kate shivered, and decided it was time to get out. She dressed with a sense of foreboding; her happy reunion with him was about to turn for the worst. But she shook the feeling as she remembered this may be her last trip to the States, so she'd better make the most of it.

At dinner, she did her best to try and tell John the news she'd gotten, but once again he said there would be time for it later, so she fell silent unless he talked to her. All six regulators sat around the table, with Kate and John next to each other at one end. The conversation between the boys revealed a tension and almost a contempt displayed between Billy and the rest of them. John forced two that were teasing Billy to apologize.

"Sorry, Billy, we was just hackin' on ya."

"Yeah, we was just hackin' on ya."

Billy looked away, avoiding all eye contact.

Kate studied him, trying to figure out why he looked familiar. Billy saw her looking and spared her a covert wink. Seconds later she knew where she'd seen him, and threw an icy gaze back at him. He broke eye contact and looked down at his plate. A tiny smile crept across her face for a moment before she regained her composure and neutral expression as she listened to the conversation.

"Rumor has it you killed a man, Billy. You don't seem like the killin' sort," Dick started.

"Yeah, Billy, what'd ya kill him fo'?" Steve added.

Billy looked at Steve with steely blue eyes for a moment before answering,

"He was hackin' on me."

Steve and Charley gulped, the rest snickered, and even John couldn't help but smile. Kate remained as somber as ever as she finished eating. She remembered the Regulators hadn't been introduced to her as anything more than 'Kate.' No note of how she knew John. She wondered if he was in any way ashamed of her...

Everyone gathered in the sitting room after dinner to read from the Journal; Dick and Doc remained at the kitchen table. Kate took a seat between her father and Charley, who was busy playing with a lariat. She thought Steve read fairly well considering his origins, and silently commended her father for wanting to educate these boys. It could only help them in the future, she knew.

Billy's reading was almost as advanced as hers, and she looked at him in mild surprise. He looked up when he finished, but this time he didn't wink, he just looked into her eyes, knowing he'd impressed her. Kate felt her face flush under the gaze of his too-blue eyes. She hoped he didn't see, so of course he did, and he smiled.


	5. New Friends

A/N-(I tried to make this a little or a lot longer than usual, for my good buddy tk421beth. Hope this is long enough!)

Kate slept much better that night, having her own room and no neighbor but John, though she still had a nagging feeling about when to tell him why she'd come. At this rate, he was never going to _let_ her and she would have to shout it at him as she rode away to catch her steamer. Not the best way to deliver news of this kind. The other thing that left her wondering was why he hadn't told the Regulators about her. Now that she was here there was no excuse for him keeping their connection a secret. She dressed in yesterday's dress and forgot about it. Surely he had some reason, and no doubt he would explain when the time came. John always knew when it was the right time to say something.

She glanced at the clock as she came downstairs-it was almost 6:30. They'd let her sleep in... Now how was she supposed to find anyone? As expected, the house was silent and empty. She flopped down on the couch, unsure of what to do now. Should she go outside and look for them? Stay and wait for them to return?

Eventually, she decided eating breakfast was the wisest course of action, so she raided the pantry for something to eat. She sat at the table and watched the clouds roll by. The sun was barely up, but it was light enough to see four men outside working. She finished eating and washed her dishes, then headed outside. Kate sat on the rocking chair on the porch and watched the day's activities. She'd never had nothing to do, and she wasn't sure if she was relaxed or bored. John saw her sitting and waved shortly. Waving back, she noticed a big group of men on horses riding in fast toward him. John turned and stood still for a moment before walking to meet them.

Kate couldn't stave her curiousity simply by looking on, so she got up and walked quickly to stand behind him. She listened to the Sherriff, a man named Brady, try to accuse her father of being a thief without using those exact words. She narrowed her eyes and tried not to jump in as his entourage cast roving looks at her. Dick jumped in for her,

"That's a fargin' lie and you know it!"

She thanked him with the barest of smiles. Dick noticed but did not return it. He merely nodded slightly in her direction before returning his attention to Brady's men. The man John had told her about, Murphy, got off his horse after questioning John's sexuality and led John to stand next to the pig pen, where they continued to talk in hushed tones. Kate followed them with her eyes, using all her willpower not to shoot Murphy where he stood and noticed Billy crouching in the pen, pistol drawn and pointed at Murphy. She glanced at the Regulators, and saw they'd noticed as well. When Murphy and the rest left, she tried her best not to yell after them-it just wouldn't be proper manners. Curse John for instilling politeness in her.

"Get ready for hell!" Murphy called back at them.

"I am, and I'll bring it to your door if-"

"Kate. Manners." John warned her, though she'd said it under her breath.

She apologized, giving him a small curtsy, and turned to see the Regulators fighting smiles. John ordered them back to work while heading toward the house. When trying to catch him, Kate was again told that her news could wait, so she decided to let him ask if and when he wanted to know.

Later in the week, John took Billy and Kate into town. John was going to buy Billy a suit for the New Year's Eve party, and Kate came because she thought she could tell him of the incident in London sometime during the trip. The fact that Billy had to be present as well was unfortunate, but she accepted it.

She waited outside with him while Billy was inside being fitted. He was silent the whole time, as was she. She played with the frills at the edges of her light blue dress for a bit, but stopped when he gave her a disapproving look. So instead she sat in one of the rocking chairs outside and twirled the ribbons that hung from her hat. He laughed and shook his head, looking up as Billy walked out the door. Kate looked too, and was surprised at herself when she was pleased with what she saw. Though Billy looked a little out of place in a suit, he warmed up to it quickly, as did Kate. She watched John go up to Billy and place a pocketwatch in his lapel pocket. Billy didn't say anything, but Kate could see a sincere 'thank you' clearly in his blue eyes.

It was such a simple gesture, John giving him the pocketwatch, but the way he did it spoke volumes about John's feelings for the boy. Kate knew in that one moment that he really thought of all of them as his sons. She smiled, but at the same time felt an odd twinge of jealousy. If he thought of them as sons, why didn't he tell them he had a daughter?

She came out of her reverie to watch Billy admire his new suit in the window outside the store. She in turn admired him from her seat; despite the dislike she had for him, she had to admit he looked good. _Very_ good. Not that she was going to say anything of the kind, but she could think it. She just didn't want him to know she thought it, so she looked away and stood up to stand next to her father, absentmindedly playing with a piece of her raven hair and staring at the ground.

"Very good," John said, giving Billy and approving look, "Isn't it, Kate?"

She looked at her father, silently cursing him for putting her in this position. Something in his eyes said she should be polite, so she looked at Billy and had to agree,

"Perfect."

As Kate had already bought a dress, she didn't need one, but John tried to convince her to let him buy her something.

"Really, I couldn't."

"I'm not allowed to spoil my own daughter?"

Billy started and turned to Kate and John in shock. Since her father had finally called her his daughter in front of one of his precious Regulators, Kate smiled and gave in. She found a top hat in one of the stores, a black one with black ribbon and a few dark flowers to match her dress.

On the ride home, she sat close to her father, her arm in his. She still wondered why he hadn't introduced her as his daughter in the first place, but was satisfied for the time being that at least one knew who she was, and that soon he would spread the word. In the back, Billy was still slightly shocked, but not in a bad way, to find that Kate's relationship to John wasn't what they'd all thought.

Over the next few days, Kate tailed her father like a hawk, hoping for an invitation to tell him the news. No such opportunity came, though instead she got to know the Regulators better. They seemed to tolerate her, and sometimes she thought they even liked having her around. She knew John loved them as sons, and soon she liked most of them as brothers, and got the feeling that they saw her as a younger sister. Especially Doc. He seemed the most amiable of them, and they got quite close. She found that he was quite a poet, and she spent many nights listening to him read to her.

Dick was still a mystery to her, though they'd been able to have a few short conversations, and she even got him to smile once. Chavez, she felt another special connection to, since she'd spent time with some tribes on her earlier visits to America. He didn't know that, of course, but he thought she seemed open-minded and entirely un-American, which he liked.

Charley, she discovered, was really quite sensitive under the facade he held up for the others, and she became his sort of confidante. He told her about his mother, how he'd grown up with an absent father, and how John had filled that space. She talked very little with Steve, though he was usually good for a laugh. Although Kate highly disapproved of his racist nature, she realized most Americans she'd met were, but even so she never let one of his comments slide. He learned to keep those kind of thoughts to himself, and everyone thought it was a great improvement.

"Now if you could just get him to bathe," Doc mentioned aside to her.

She laughed, a wonderfully bright and soft one, and said,

"With a gun to his head, perhaps..."

They laughed again, and Steve glanced their way, wondering what was so funny. He asked, and Doc and Kate started laughing again as he spat out his tobacco. Billy also glanced over, and Kate looked back at him for a moment. She hadn't talked much to Billy, either. Probably because he had never apologized for or acknowledged the fact that he had knocked her unconscious and caused her to miss her coach and be a day late for meeting her father. Or because he was an arrogant little blighter, and he was fond of patronizing her for being a woman. But there was also the fact that every time she looked at him she wanted to smile and she felt a tightening in her throat. She both hated and loved the sensation, similar to how she felt about Billy.

New Year's Eve came soon enough, and Kate couldn't get over the fact that there was no snow. She reminded herself that it was _New Mexico_, but still, after seventeen years of white winters, it was always a little disconcerting to look outside and see sagebrush and cacti instead of snow.

After she dressed for the party, she sat on her bed and reached into her bag for the legal papers she'd been told to give to John. Below that was the picture of her mother she always carried with her. She had the same black hair as Kate, and wore an identical locket. Kate touched her own necklace as she looked at the picture. She would tell him. She had to, somehow. A new year was the perfect time to start over.

She met her father downstairs, taking his offered arm as they walked toward the door. They heard gunshots coming from outside. John rushed ahead of her, and the next thing she heard was him shouting,

"Regulators!"

She came outside, and saw everyone looking at the roof. Following their gaze, she saw Billy sitting there, both pistols in his hands.

John softened his tone and added,

"Let's dance."

She rolled her eyes as Billy jumped down, holstering his pistols. Kate chose to ride her own horse to the party, but kept close to her father in the cart while the others rode ahead. She took a breath before trying to say,

"You remember Samuel, your -"

"Kate," John fixed her with a serious gaze. "Later. Bad news can always wait."

She smiled as she remembered how often he used to say that, then lost the smile as she remembered that it was after her mother died that he'd begun to say it. Bad news can wait. _But for how long?_ She fell silent and looked ahead to where the Regulators rode.

"What do you think of them?"

"You've done a fine job with them. They're all wonderful. Er, Steve may still need a little work."

He laughed and agreed. He was glad that she was getting along with all of them, but at the same time he worried that she might get too close to one of them. He supposed he could accept that, they were his boys after all, still he felt that none of them were quite enough for his Kate.


	6. Broken Apart

_A/N-for my only reviewers and fans, tk21beth and MigratingCoconuts--longer chapter again! P.S.- Mine is NOT better than either of yours! Who do you think inspired me to writethis? Thanks: D_

The party was unlike any Kate had ever been to. For one, it was outdoors, in the crisp December air. The music was much livelier, not like the stuffy pieces usually played at the coming out parties she attended, and everyone was having fun. Kate saw Charley, Steve and McCloskey sitting at the edge of the crowd drinking. Just like them.

McCloskey. _There_ was a man she didn't care for at all. He was fairly new, a former Murphy worker, and she'd taken great care to avoid him ever since their first encounter. There was just something about him, something out of place. Everyone else seemed to tolerate him just fine, and she was perfectly polite when they spoke, but only when he started the conversation. Now she glared at him, trying to guess just why he had joined them. She looked away from where he sat to talk to her father, not quite fast enough for McCloskey not to notice she'd been looking.

"Daddy, honestly, I have to tell you something about Samuel."

John looked as though this time he would listen, and Kate breathed a silent sigh of relief. Unfortunately, she never got to finish her thought as McCloskey walked up then.

"Beg pardon," he began, speaking to John, "could I ask a dance with Kate?"

Kate gave her father a look that she hoped would convey "Please don't make me do this" while looking, to McCloskey, like she was simply waiting for an answer.

Either John saw the look and ignored it, or didn't see it at all, because he answered,

"Go on, Kate, we'll finish later."

Any words of refusal stuck in Kate's throat, and stunned, she allowed McCloskey to lead her into the middle of where people were dancing. She put on a brave face as they began the fandango, then adopted a genuinely happy one when they were interrupted by Dick and he asked to cut in. McCloskey agreed with obvious reluctance, walking away with his lips set in a murderous frown. Kate took Dick's gloved hand, and looked up graciously at him.

"You just did me a _grand_ favor," she sighed as they danced, "And you were right on time."

"I just wanted to dance with ya, Kate."

Dick didn't seem to understand that he'd saved Kate from a truly disastrous few minutes with the one man she thought she disliked more than Billy. She was surprised that Dick had been the one to cut in, he'd so far been the most distant towards her...but then, she supposed she'd have been surprised no matter who it was. Kate gave him a shy smile and decided she'd still owe him one for this. Billy saw them from where he was dancing with another girl, and led his partner to dance next to Kate and Dick.

"I get the next one?" he requested.

Dick looked at Kate, asking with his eyes what she wanted him to say. Her expression was one of indifferent submission, so Dick nodded. Billy gave a bit of that boyish laugh of his, and winked at Kate, saying,

"I'll hold you to that, Miss Katherine," before dancing away again.

"I'll never survive," she dramatized once he was out of earshot.

She was pleasantly rewarded with another of Dick's rare grins. She grinned back as they finished the set, with a promise to dance with him again before the night was over. The party was still young, however, and she still had to dance with Billy before it would be done with. She promised herself she would be her usual charming self, not let anything he said get to her, and prayed she wouldn't have to break that promise by breaking his nose.

He certainly _seemed_ every inch the gentleman as he walked up to claim his dance, offering his hand, bowing slightly. As promised, she took his hand and they danced. She was prepared to be cool and distant yet still perfectly ladylike through the song, but she was caught off guard when he asked,

"Why don'tcha like me, Kate?"

Had it been anyone else asking, she would have had a notarized list of his shortcomings, insults, and bad habits. But face to face with him, looking into those impossibly blue eyes of his, she was speechless. Her cheeks grew hot as she looked away, seemingly searching for her answer somewhere in the crowd.

"You argue too much," she settled on.

"I do not."

Kate couldn't help but smile, and even he laughed at himself. She discovered then that whenever he laughed, she found herself disliking him less. She also found that he was a good dancer, and laughed as he twirled and dipped her.

John was watching from a distance, looking at his Regulators and also searching for a familiar face. There he was. Alex McSween, his lawyer, and his wife, Susan. He gave a last glance at the smiling pair before walking to meet Alex. He started up the old conversation about how to stop the Santa Fe Ring. No matter what, he knew he would stay put in Lincoln and fight it.

"Besides," he reasoned with Alex, "if we gave in and left, who'd look after my boys?"

He and Alex could both see Kate standing with all of the boys, and watched as she took Dick's hat when he wasn't paying attention and replaced it with her own. She put Dick's hat on and laughed as Dick caught on, but refused to return his hat.

"There's my answer," John thought out loud.

The only thing that marred the feeling of the night was a short run-in between Charley and one of Murphy's men. Charley easily won, and as Kate stood next to her father as he handed Charley back his coat, she swore she saw Murphy point at her. But when she looked, all he did was give that disgustingly fake smile of his and barely tip his hat. She smiled back and concealed a rude gesture by tipping her own hat. Charley noticed it, though, and laughed, though John chastised her for her lack of behavior.

Kate danced the rest of the night with almost all of the Regulators, making sure to keep the one Dick had reserved, and of course to save one for her father. She didn't even notice or care that she still hadn't told him the news. At midnight everyone fired their guns while shouting Happy New Year. Kate pulled a revolver from one of Doc's holsters and fired a few shots before handing it back nonchalantly to a surprised Doc. She joined in a very loud and slightly off-key rendition of "Auld Lang Syne" with all the partygoers before John announced that it was time to leave.

Tired and a bit drunk, the Regulators mounted up and rode alongside the cart, continuing to sing, all at different tempos and _very_ off-key. Sometime during the second time through, they noticed pheasants running around, scurrying out from under the horses' hooves. Firing their guns into the air, the Regulators rode after them. Billy waited for an ok from John, then quickly followed suit. Kate shook her head, agreeing that boys would be boys, remembering then the conversation she'd started at the party. She took a breath, fully prepared to deliver, when she and John heard horses behind them. She turned to look, and recognized one of the riders from the confrontation with Murphy, Dolan and Brady. When more and more came, she came to a horrifying realization. It happened almost too fast for her to register. Her father looked at her with wide but not scared gray eyes, and whispered;

"Take care of them, Kate," as he caught the first bullet.

"Daddy! No!"

She screamed then, a low foreign sound from deep in her throat, frozen, powerless to stop her father from falling from his seat. Kate looked behind her from under blood covered lashes as she rode away quickly. One of the riders came after her, matching her speed exactly, and she heard someone call her name as he wrapped his arm around her neck and pressed his pistol to her head. In one swift movement she elbowed him under the chin, making him reel, and reached into her ankle holster for a revolver. She fired directly into his neck, catching more blood spray on her left side as he fell from his horse. A voice shouted again,

"Kate!" and she rode toward the sound without looking back.

The tears stung like ice as they rained down relentlessly, making tracks in the drying blood on her face and neck and she felt her chest tighten with each that fell. She tried to stop them, riding as fast as her horse would take her. Her hat was whipped from her head by the wind rushing around her and her black hair fell from its updo, flying behind her while she kept her eyes on the Regulators ahead of her. A million thoughts flew through her mind, and most of them involved an early death for a great number of men.

The Regulators stopped ahead of her when they reached a clearing and dismounted before she caught up with them. All had seen what had happened, what she had done, what had been done to her, and they kept their distance, feeling almost afraid. They all stood still and awkwardly silent, watching her rein her horse in. She sat in the saddle in an advanced state of shock for a tense moment, then swung her leg over the saddle and fell into a dismount. She only stayed on her feet for a moment before collapsing, catching herself on her hands and sitting up. She ran a hand through her wildly windswept hair, lip trembling and trying to choke down a whimpering sob. She kept her gaze at the ground and refused to make eye contact with any of the Regulators standing around her as she took a deep breath and stood shakily.

Doc put his hand under her chin, forcing her to look up and into his eyes. The tears standing in her eyes burned with a fire Doc understood all too well. He felt all of them did. Confusion. Helplessness. Vengeance. Sorrow. All of these emotions were fueling a mutual feeling of uncontrollable anger. But more than that she felt alone. Doc understood that too, and tried to assure Kate that they were all there for her as he wiped away the tears and blood on her face. She tried to hide the rest of her tears from the others, burying her face in Doc's coat as he held her. Everyone turned to Dick, searching his face for instructions. McCloskey voiced everyone's thought,

"Whadda we do now, Dick?"


	7. First Strike

The funeral was short and not greatly attended. It didn't need to be. Everyone John loved was there. The Regulators, Kate, Alex and Susan. The men all remained dry-eyed. Susan cried a little, but quickly dabbed any tears away with a black lace handkerchief. Kate found that she couldn't cry. It wasn't that she was ashamed or afraid to, it was that she could not. The tears were on her mind, she wanted to mourn her father, but they never fell. She only stared at her father's gravesite with empty eyes and a heart full to bursting with complicated emotions. The gravedigger began throwing dirt on the coffin, she gave a gasp and a shaky little sigh, but her eyes remained clear and unfocused. Doc put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close while the last of the earth was packed down.

Doc held back a bit with her while she said her final goodbye. Kate knelt in front of the marker, holding the small bunch of flowers that had been all she could find. She pulled a ribbon from her hair, tied them together, and let them fall. Head bowed, she whispered a promise to the empty air and stood. Kate kissed her hand and pressed it firmly to where his name was carved into the stone. Her last words had been inaudible, but she knew he'd get them. The Regulators would be taken care of.

She caught up with Alex moments later and confessed a legal concern she had.

"Mr. McSween, sir, my father was about to inherit a great deal of money, but he- he never found out about it. His brother died very recently in London, and I was told to deliver the will, but my father never let me, really."

"That sounds about like John," he admitted, scratching his head. "Well, Kate, not much to worry about there. You'd have had more trouble if you'd told him, actually. It'd have gone through the Justice and Murphy would have found out, maybe struck sooner."

The truth of this hit Kate like thunder. Sudden, shocking, and impossible not to notice. She only nodded, inviting him to go on.

"As it stands, you of course inherit everything. Including anything that's in his brother's will. My honest advice is this-leave New Mexico before Murphy gets wind of it."

But Kate knew she couldn't just take her inheritance and run, not till she'd settled this. So the next day, as they rode into Lincoln with Alex, she kept quiet about all he had told her. It was torture, keeping a secret from the boys, but she felt it was right. She stuck close to Alex as he talked to the Justice of the Peace, and together they convinced him to deputize the boys. It took a long, heated argument with Doc and Dick, but eventually Kate got her way and joined them as they mounted up. When Alex tried to ask her to come stay with him and Susan, she said,

"I promised, Alex. Besides, someone's got to watch them."

This was only a half-lie, she had promised her father, and she was going to help, but she also desperately wanted justice. The Regulators could help her with that.

When the Regulators said they had a plan, they meant they knew what they would do next. Right now, that was to go to a local brothel and apprehend Henry Hill. What would happen after they reached the brothel was anyone's best guess. They sat on their horses on a hill outside the cathouse. The boys seemed to be stalling for time, until it was suggested that Billy be the one to go grab Hill. Billy didn't seem to opposed to the idea and went right down to do it.

Kate was between Doc and Dick, so she was soon barraged by both of them.

"You could get hurt, Kate. It's not too late for you to go back." Doc suggested.

"_Could _ get hurt?" she shot back, "Someone already tried to kill me, or didn't you happen to see that? You think they'd leave me alone now?" she thought back to Alex's advice.

"It's safer at Alex's." Dick countered.

"So I'd be safer in a house with _one_ lawyer with asthma than I am with _seven_ armed men." she glanced at both of them questioningly.

Neither answered as they saw Billy come out of the brothel alone and head for the outhouse. Kate tilted her head in confusion.

"What the hell's he doin'?"

That was soon made clear as Henry Hill came out shortly after him to the outhouse. Kate wondered, if Billy was going to arrest him, why hadn't he done it already? She glanced over at Doc and saw he was thinking the same thing. A shot rang out, Kate was ordered to stay behind, and the Regulators rode forward, firing wildly at anyone holding a gun. Kate sighed, twirling her revolver on her trigger finger. It wasn't as if she were dying to dash headfirst into a gun battle, but she knew she was as skilled as they were, possibly more. _Yes, more,_ she thought as she saw Billy fall out the outhouse window and right into the slag heap. To her they looked like they had only a basic idea of what they were doing. In a firing match, all it took was a general idea, she supposed.

She waited for them all to ride up to her, ignoring Doc's look of _See, I told you it was dangerous._ Billy seemed far too pleased with himself, and Dick wasn't happy about that at all. Kate could feel the distance and tension between him and Billy increase as Dick bawled him out about the gun fight. She tried to calm him as they rode away side by side, but deep down she knew it was useless. Dick had never _dis_liked Billy, really, but he'd never really been nice to him, either. They weren't exactly an overly cohesive bunch, the Regulators, but Kate wanted them at least to get along. She hated to think this had anything to do with her, yet she could sense that to a point, at least, it did.

Later, they were all reading the Journal, thinking there had to be something about their "arrest" in it. Of course there was, but Kate tuned most of it out. She sat next to Dick, completly drained from not sleeping last night. She yawned, leaning against Dick's shoulder, and closed her eyes, hoping she might get a few minutes rest. Dick, a little unsure of what to do, raised his arm and allowed her to rest closer to him, then put his arm down where it rested on her waist. Doc continued to read as Kate drifted slowly off.

Seconds later she awoke to surprised laughter. Her eyes snapped open, and she sat up, still in Dick's arms.

"What?"

"Says here, 'In addition to a following of young gunslingers, the gang has taken on an unwilling assistant, one Kate Elizabeth Tunstall, the only child of John Henry Tunstall and close friend of Lawrence Murphy,'" Doc continued.

Kate didn't find this funny as she thought back to Alex's warning.

"Oh god...Murphy knows. He knows. Oh bloody Christ!" The Regulators looked confused, so she went on, "I knew he recognized me. Now instead of killing me, he'll get someone to 'rescue' me!"

Now they got it. This was Murphy's way of alerting all of his followers that Kate was important to him, and that he wanted her in his possession soon. And they all knew if he couldn't control Tunstall's store by weaseling ownership out of a seemingly weak girl, he would take it from her by any and all means necessary. Knowing full well what Murphy was capable of when someone was in his way, Kate's reaction brought them back to reality.

Kate groaned again and buried her head in Dick's shirt, holding back tears of fear and frustration. She felt so stupid. She wondered if it would have been better to go with Alex...maybe it wasn't too late. Dick's arm remained tightly around her as thoughts of running back to the McSween's flitted through her mind. She was at a height that she could speak right into Dick's ear, so she did, telling him exactly those thoughts. He looked back at her, unsure of how to answer, perhaps afraid to answer either way. She nodded then, and whispered,

"Then I'll go."


	8. Traitors and Lovers

Everyone turned to notice Dick and Kate with their faces very close and talking in hushed voices.

"What're y'all whisperin' about over there?" Billy felt he had to know.

Kate sighed,

"You all heard what Doc read. Right now I'm as dangerous to you as you are to Murphy's men." She realized her comparison was a little exaggerated, but she wanted them to get the point.

The Regulators all exchanged glances-was she serious? Leaving their protection so easily after fighting so hard to come? They felt there had to be more to it, but more than that they felt that she was, for once in her life, completely wrong.

"No way, Katy. Ain't havin' it. You're safe with us." Billy spoke up for all of them.

"It's not that I don't believe you can protect me, but I- I made a promise," she paused and swallowed before going on, "to my father. To look after you. Right now, that means putting as much distance between us as possible."

Some of the boys tried to argue as Billy had, but she cut them off,

"I'll go to the McSweens', you'll serve the rest of the warrants," she gave a sharp glance to Billy, "and then you can contact me."

Everyone fell silent, believing there was no way to convince her of otherwise. Doc, without an explanation, went around the fence they were behind and disappeared from sight. Kate remained in her seat next to Dick, but now only their arms touched, and barely. She chewed thoughtfully on her pinky finger as she leaned just slightly into his shoulder. He leaned a bit back, moving his hand closer to hers, and laced his fingers with her own. Kate dropped her free hand slowly, turned her face up to his and smiled shyly. The corners of his own mouth turned up, if only slightly, but Kate still appreciated that he would always smile for her. Charley sat on her other side, and he seemed to be mulling something over as well. He turned to her and looked as if he were about to speak, then closed his mouth.

Doc came back then, and Charley seemed to have found the words for his thoughts.

"Heya, Kate, I was thinkin', about you leavin' and all..." he stopped to scratch his head under his hat, "If it's the story what's got you scared, you could change it."

"Beg pardon?" Kate asked, wide-eyed.

Doc caught on to Charley's idea.

"Change it, Kate. Rewrite the story you want. That about right, Charley?"

He only nodded, embarassed that Doc had worded it so effortlessly. But it was Charley Kate looked at with grateful, shining eyes and a smile. She knew nothing she could do could make it really safe for them, but at least Murphy would receive a message from her in return for his own - she would not come quietly.

She could be quiet when sneaking up, however. Next on their list were William Morton and Frank Baker. The Regulators saw them as they rode through Agua Negra Canyon, hiding in the brush as Morton examined some horseshit. He told Baker what he had learned from it, like it would help, and said,

"Pretty good, huh?"

Guns clicked as they were cocked, ready to fire, and Chavez put one of his knives to Morton's throat.

"Not that good," he couldn't resist saying.

Kate stood between Doc and McCloskey, standing much closer to Doc, pistol in her left hand, hoping she'd never have to use it. But the way Billy was talking, she might. She prayed he'd stop threatening the men, and just listen to Dick and apprehend them. It was obvious he wasn't going to do either of those, he and Steve seemed bent on burying the both of them, but McCloskey interrupted.

"Easy now, Billy. Dick, I don't think we should take the trail in."

"Why not?" McCloskey wasn't one for making suggestions, so Dick was curious.

"Well, I think Murphy's men will be watchin' the trail in, I think we should ride straight through to Lincoln."

Billy wasn't the only one to notice the look and barest of nods exchanged between McCloskey and Morton. Kate saw it clear as day, but Billy beat her to it.

"I saw that."

"What, what'dya see?" Charley seemed more nervous than ever.

"He knows what I just saw. Where's the ambush, McCloskey, in Lincoln? He wants us to go to Lincoln cuz he knows his men-Murphy's men! - will be waiting for us."

Kate agreed, though silently, while everyone else, including Dick, refused to believe that McCloskey wasn't one of them. McCloskey put out his hand, knowing Billy was outnumbered. Billy glared at him, but relented, slowly holstering his gun and taking McCloskey's hand. Since Kate knew Billy was never one to admit he was wrong, she watched him closely. They shook hands, and she relaxed a little.

"Shit, McCloskey, I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't sniff you out sooner, you goddamn traitor," his mood shifted as he used his left hand to blow a hole right through McCloskey's forehead.

The spray caught Doc square in the face, and Kate dodged what little came her way. Billy pulled McCloskey's body to standing and shot it one more time, letting it fall into the river. The distraction made Baker and Morton try to make a run for it. Chavez got Baker in the back, so did Billy. Morton was quicker-Doc managed to shoot him in the back, and he went down, but then got up and started running again. Dick shot him at the same time Kate did, and he finally dropped into a switch tree and quit moving.

Dick cussed Billy out for getting all three men killed.

"Billy was right. McCloskey was actin' strange."

"Then we just killed three more Murphy men, right?" Dick shot back.

Kate thought about it, and realized that leaving had been the right thing. _Now_ it was safer to stay with the boys, but before she might have saved three lives, as well as her own. The incident had caused an irrepairable rift between Dick and Billy, and Kate didn't know what she was going to do about that. If they were going to stay alive for much longer, they had to be a cohesive group, as they had been when John was alive. The Regulators rode away, Billy mounted his horse and followed, but Doc stayed behind, looking into the river at McCloskey's lifeless form floating facedown in the river. Kate came to stand behind him, her hand on his arm. Doc took a shaky breath as he removed his hat and tried to keep back tears. Kate knew how he felt; he was afraid of what would happen now, for all of their lives, and betrayed. Even with all the terrible suspicions she'd had about him, it was odd to think that McCloskey could actually be a spy.

She sighed and as Doc turned around to get on his horse, she pulled out her handkerchief and gently wiped the blood from his face. He smiled when she said,

"Now we're even."

Once again their exploits had been covered in the journal, and Doc read them aloud as everyone sat around. Kate waited for a mention of her name in the article.

"'Advices from sources say that the kid, a left-hander, is tall, handsome and unequaled in the elements that appeal to the holier emotions.' Jesus Christ, this country needs a hero...ah, here ya go Kate, 'Witnesses also report that one Kate Tunstall, a beautiful dark-haired woman of seventeen, assisted the gang in their attempted apprehension of Frank Baker and William Morton. It is said that it was her gun that fired the fatal shot to Morton, at an incredible distance of fifty yards. However, Murphy of Lincoln has hired none other than John Kinney... and his Dona Ana Bunch to help hunt down Billy the Kid and the gang.'"

Billy didn't seem to be worried; he didn't even know who John Kinney was. Charley and Kate did, and they exchanged a worried glance. Kate was called over with Doc to talk to Dick. They were completely out of options. Every direction held some sort of threat to their lives, and between the three of them, they had no idea what to do, though they didn't want to admit it. Kate looked reassuringly at Dick, somehow they'd work everything out, and then turned with everyone else as Chavez came over a nearby hill. His hat was full of what looked like tiny cacti. _Oh he's not ... _ Kate thought-she knew exactly what was in his hat.

That night, Chavez sat with them around the fire, painted his face like a spirit, and mixed an odd brew in an old tin cup. He told them of the ritual his people followed to find their way, using the spirit world as a guide, and drank from the cup. Everyone did. Dick passed on the peyote, and Kate, after remembering what happened the last time she did it, passed as well. Dick looked like he approved, and Kate winked at him. His eyes widened slightly and he looked away.

As the peyote really started to take effect, the four who had taken it wandered away from the fire, pursuing their very own visions. Kate moved to sit next to Dick, staring at the fire and avoiding his gaze.

"We're wasting time," he muttered.

"Well, at least this will take their minds away from it all. Maybe Chavez is just doing this to escape. And anyway, none of us had any better ideas."

Dick smiled at her jest. He had been smiling a lot more lately. Kate had been trying to, but just as she found herself unable to cry, her smiles had all been false. Not one of them had reached her eyes. Now as her eyes welled up, she blamed the heat and smoke rising from the fire.

"Kate?"

She turned away and wiped her eyes, taking a deep breath and straightening. She sighed and confided,

"I'm finding it hard to keep my promise. I'm sorry." she smiled sadly at him.

"What for? We're watchin' _you_, Kate. We all made a promise, too, the day we started working for Mr. Tunstall. Protect all that was his. You're his, so you're ours, too."

Kate blushed before she corrected,

"No, just yours."

Dick's mouth dropped open as she said this. Kate blushed again, surprised at her own forwardness, and hoped the glow of the fire would hide the color in her cheeks. Dick put his hand on the side of her face, turning it to face him. She removed his hat as they both leaned in timidly. Their lips touched, and Kate felt warmer than any fire could have made her. Her lips parted as the kiss deepened, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him. It felt as if the kiss would never end and they'd never part; that was the way Kate wanted it. They broke the kiss, but the warmth of it lingered on Kate's lips as Dick held her, stroking her hair.

The next day, Kate was sleep deprived enough to act similar to Billy and the others. She hadn't slept all the previous night for worrying about what had happened between her and Dick, and now, she worried what would happen to all of them.


	9. A Violent Concern

_Hope this is sufficient for how long you've waited! This one has a SERIOUS shocker in it...BE PREPARED. _

_Also, I'd like to thank all who review and read my story here...Amber thanks a whole lot!_

_And to Emilio's loofah, aka Bethy-roo, here's the shocker I told you about!_

Next stop was Blazer's Mill, just a little further up the trail. Dick figured it would give the rest of them a chance to recuperate, and maybe a chance for he and Kate to talk more. To get there, they passed through part of an Indian reservation, nervously and quietly. Well, Kate was nervous, Chavez and Dick were quiet, the rest didn't seem to notice what was happening. Chavez thought he saw some of the tribe give Kate small waves and smiles of recognition, but with the peyote, he just wasn't sure. By the time they actually reached the mill, the effects of the peyote had worn off, and all of them were back to their original selves. In most this was an improvement. In others...it made her wish there were more peyote.

"Heya Kate."

She sighed as she turned to Billy and his gloating tone of voice. She saw his expression matched, a smug little smile.

"So you and Dick have fun last night? I did."

"Are you sure? You didn't kill anyone. I imagined you were bored out of your mind, you trigger-happy wanker."

Billy looked as though Kate had won. He stalked off into the house, followed closely by Charley and Dick. Doc came up to Kate to ask if Billy had been bothering her.

"Not anything I can't handle, Doc."

He shrugged and followed the others inside. Chavez was the last up the hill, and he paused in front of Kate.

"Careful, Katy."

Her eyebrows drew down in confusion.

"As I just told Doc, Billy doesn't bother me." she wondered why he would be worried...

"I meant with Dick."

Kate narrowed her eyes again. _So now everyone knows?_ And what did Chavez feel he had to warn her about?

"He is not the one for you."

"And you know this because...you saw it in your vision, I'm guessing."

"No. I'm saying it because I know you. And I know him."

As Chavez walked away, Kate thought about his odd advice. Was he right? But she thought she really did love Dick. But the more she thought about Chavez's words, she thought maybe she was just drawn to Dick because he was there for her when she was most alone. But again, what did Chavez mean by 'he is not the one for you?' Did he mean that someone else was? She shook her head as if to loosen these thoughts from her head as she walked toward the house.

The scene she met with inside was an all too familiar one. Dick and Billy, guns pointed at each other. Kate sighed and sat next to Doc, near the door. She put her head in her hand and drummed her fingers on the table, sighing in exasperation. _Honestly..._ Before the disagreement escalated too much farther, Steve burst in, saying there was a man coming up the trail.

"Just one?"

One was enough, it seemed, as Charley identified him as Buckshot Roberts, the man who was rumored to have killed more men than smallpox. As expected, Billy wanted to go right out and 'meet' him. Against her better judgement, she followed them out into the yard and watched a not-so impressive old man dismount from a donkey. Dick tried once again to be the voice of reason and just arrest him, but the old man wasn't interested. He was just there for the reward set out on all of them.

"And the lady there, too. Sure-Shot Kate. Two fifty, dead or alive."

Billy glanced at her, and she thought she detected a glint of jealousy in his eyes. He had only been worth one fifty. Kate looked at Buckshot Roberts, bewildered. She looked at Doc and mouthed, 'Sure-Shot?' Doc only smiled slightly before turning back to Roberts as he declared,

"Let's dance!"

Kate jumped as fast as she could behind a nearby turned over cart. Bullets flew overhead as she watched Chavez take a shot in the leg. He ducked behind where she was sitting, as did Doc. Doc sat up to fire at Roberts, but was blown back down when he caught a bullet in the hand.

"Shit!"

Kate quickly ripped shreds from her petticoat and wrapped it tightly. Then she turned to Chavez and did the same, wondering jokingly how long her petticoat would last. She sat with her back to the cart, closed her eyes, and prayed for it all to end. She heard the shots fade away, and a momentary silence fell over the yard. Her eyes opened and wandered over to the other pile where Dick, Billy, and Steve knelt. Dick muttered something to Billy, walking out to face the outhouse Roberts had ducked into. Kate saw the shotgun barrel before anyone else, but had no time to cry out before it fired those fatal shots. His body shook with the force of the bullets before he fell facedown on the ground.

It seemed to Kate as though this happened several times before her eyes, a horrible nightmare she couldn't stop from replaying. Without really looking, she drew her pistol, walked out to the outhouse, kicked the door open, and fired two shots-one in each of Buckshot's eyes, then fell to the ground. She sat there, looking without seeing, eyes drifting in and out of focus, hearing a name but not realizing it was her own they were calling. The tears seemed to clear her vision, and she saw Dick, lying still on the ground. A sob choked her throat, causing her to lose her breath. She crawled to where he lay, kneeling as close as she could get. He stirred slightly, and Kate gingerly turned him over. Blood from his wounds soaked her hands and they shook in her state of shock as she ran them over the bloodstains, carefully avoiding the actual wounds.

"God, God, Oh, Jesus. Oh bloody Jesus..." she whispered over and over, to herself, to no one, to anyone who would listen.

His mouth opened, and she expected to hear his last words -to hear that he would be just fine, that he loved her, that he didn't love her, anything, she just wanted to hear his voice...But his eyes closed with his mouth, and he lay still and cold in her arms.

Her vision wavered again, and this time it wasn't out of shock or because of tears. Someone had picked her up and was carrying her over their shoulder away from the yard. She heard yelling, "Dick" and "No" again and again, and it took a gentle shaking from the one carrying her for her to realize that it had been her doing the screaming. When she snapped out of her stupor, she found herself in front of Billy on his horse, while her horse was being led beside. Under any other circumstances, on finding herself so close to Billy, she would have fought to be on her own horse, but as it was, she sat still and waited until they stopped to make camp.

Doc had to leave, write Dick's mother if he could, tell her what happened. Kate's eyes were bleary as she watched him ride away. She flopped down by Charley and watched him build a small fire. She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in them as the rest continued talking. Chavez wanted to go west. Kate fully agreed. She was more than ready to be rid of all this, to go home. Back to England where she could forget about all of this. It wouldn't be running away, she told herself. It is the wisest thing to do. After all, what was she going to do? Join the gang, become an outlaw, keep on the run the rest of her life? She'd already done that, she realized, the day she shot that man in Agua Negra Canyon. It was certainly to late to go back. Her head jerked up when she heard,

"The Red Sand Creek Reservation." It came from Chavez, who was obviously upset at Billy for some reason or another.

"What the hell's he talkin' about?" Billy asked the rest.

No one knew, no one but Kate, so Chavez continued to tell the story of his entire reservation being murdered in the middle of the night. He had been the only survivor. Kate burst into tears, feeling the pain of that night as if she herself had lived it. She understood Chavez's pain and his need to return to his people. Billy turned around to look at her and mocked,

"You got no loyalty, Navajo." He shook his head and continued to try and convince Chavez to come with them.

He never got the chance, as Kate stood, quickly and angrily.

"You arrogant, trigger happy son of a fucking bitch!"

Everyone was deathly still. Kate had never yelled at any of them, and she certainly never used language like that. She pointed at Billy, and he stood to face her.

"Pardon?"

"You heard me. Who's got no loyalty? _You_, you smug little bastard. You're not doing ANY of this for my father. You're just using his name to make one for yourself! How can you not care that you got a man killed today? Or is it that you're just sore you didn't do it yourself? I bet-"

Her words were caught as Billy raised his left hand and backhanded her. She fell to the ground, catching herself on her hands and knees, looking up at him through disheveled hair. Chavez, in one swift movement, grabbed Billy by the throat and pressed a knife to it. She stood slowly, mouth set in a grim line, hate obvious in her eyes. She touched her lip and saw it was bleeding. Billy looked shocked, he couldn't believe he'd just done that. He'd never hit a woman in his life, especially not one he cared about. As he stood there, eyes widened in disbelief, she spat out blood at him. Chavez released him, but right after he landed a swift punch to his jaw. Billy reeled, and Chavez went to Kate and took a look at her face. Her lip was split and bleeding heavily, and an ugly bruise was beginning to show from her cheekbone to her brow.

"Jesus, Billy."

Billy wiped blood from the corner of his mouth, but to everyone's surprise, he didn't fight back. He just stalked off into the brush and didn't return for hours.

The next morning, Doc returned, and Kate was the first to greet him as he dismounted.

"Jesus! Kate, what happened to you?" he asked, gently turning her face in the morning light to see the bruise more clearly.

Chavez glared at Billy, and Doc looked past Kate to see it.

"You left-handed son of a bitch-"

"Let it go, Doc. We have a trip to Lincoln to make." Kate whispered, mounting her horse.

Doc and Chavez both shot a murderous glare in Billy's direction before mounting their own and all of them rode toward Lincoln.


	10. Fire and Forgiveness

Kate kept her distance when they reached Lincoln, choosing to stay behind a low fence with Charley and Dirty Steve. She and Steve had some difficulty getting along, but she was willing to bicker with him rather than face Billy anytime soon. She wanted to believe it was a huge mistake, that he didn't know what he was doing, that he was sorry...but she really didn't know. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what he was thinking...she wasn't sure she ever wanted to see him again.

As Billy skipped along behind the sheriff and his men, she knew she would have smiled, if it weren't for...Her face stung, and she touched her hand to it to stop the pain. Her lip had started to heal, instead of bleeding constantly it was now a red gash, but it was still tender and it hurt to talk at times. The bruise had turned from an ugly purple to a light bluish-green, a good sign, she knew.

When the shooting started, she emptied both her cylinders along with everyone else, then picked up her rifle and aimed. Only Charley's quick hand deflected the barrel and caused the shot to miss Billy. She wasn't _really _ going to shoot him, she assured Charley, but from the look on his face she knew he didn't believe her one bit. Soon all the posse lay lifeless but Brady, who was struggling to grab his gun. Billy stepped on his forearm, and before he put a bullet between his brows, he dared,

"Reap the whirlwind, Sheriff Brady. Reap it!"

Later that day they all stopped by the McSween's, and Alex gave them a piece of his mind. They got cussed out by the mild-mannered lawyer for a good half hour, most of it directed at Billy. The tirade started the moment they dismounted, and continued as they shuffled their feet in the dirt, ashamed and embarassed, but still defending what they knew was right. Alex didn't even notice Kate until Susan cried out,

"Oh Kate! Dear, what in heaven happened to your face?"

Alex turned and saw the still-healing marks on her face and turned to the boys, awaiting an answer. Billy merely stared at the ground, digging his boot toe into the ground. Alex's stare grew more intense, as he shouted,

"Jesus, Billy, I knew you were reckless, but my God!"

Still, Billy said nothing. He set his jaw in a firm line, looking off into the distance.

"It wasn't his fault, Alex."

Everyone turned in a stunned silence to Kate. She was _defending _Billy, and after what he'd done? Did she mean what she said, or did she feel like it was _her _fault for yelling at him? No one blamed her, that was certain. Susan took her inside to get something for her face, she thought there might still be some ice in the icebox they could use. While inside, Susan took the chance to give Kate some womanly advice.

"There are plenty of perfectly respectable men out there, Katherine. I don't see why you're spending all of this time with Billy, especially after what he did."

"I'm not spending time with _him_, I'm spending time with the men my father loved as sons and trusted with his life."

Susan sighed as she pressed a piece of a block of ice to Kate's cheek. Kate hissed in pain as the cold bit into her already sensitive skin. Susan wouldn't let the topic go, and she continued,

"Darling, anyone can see that you're unhappy riding with them."

"I can't stay with you, Susan. I'm sorry but I can't and I won't."

"Then go back to England. Please."

Kate looked into Susan's eyes, which were shiny with unshed tears. She really was deathly afraid something would happen to her. So was Kate. But she didn't know what to say... If anything, Kate just wanted to calm Susan down, so she agreed,

"First thing tomorrow morning."

Susan gave a cry of relief and hugged Kate tightly, saying she _knew_ Kate was smarter than she'd been acting lately. Kate wondered just what she meant by that, but didn't ask. Susan broke the embrace, wiping her eyes and smiling at Kate. Kate smiled carefully back, and they both exited the house to find the Regulators throwing their badges in the dirt at Alex's feet. Kate mounted her horse along with the others, saying her goodbyes and following the Regulators for a while down the road. They reached a part of the road where Kate had a decision to make. Leave them for a steamer back to England, or ignore Susan's wishes and stay. She sat still in her saddle, looking down the road, then behind her at the Regulators.

"Kate?" Doc called at her.

Kate made her decision then, and started down the road that would eventually lead to town, but Doc came after her, riding much faster than she was. He caught her reins in his hand.

"Where d'you think you're goin'?"

"Home."

He stared at her, eyes narrowed in confusion.

"I don't belong here, Doc, I never did. If I leave, Murphy will get the store and leave you alone. ... I promised Susan."

"And what about the promise _we _ made."

She looked past him to the others, and told him,

"Billy certainly doesn't want me here."

"You're _afraid_ of him?" Doc asked, bewildered, "Violent son of a-"

"Not afraid, Doc, I know he didn't mean it. I don't know why he did it, but it wasn't really him. I have to leave you all because ... because I'm unnecessary. A hindrance, that's all."

"That's what you think? You think we've had you with us this whole time 'cause we feel _sorry_ for you?" Doc shook his head "Think, Kate. Think about that real hard."

Doc pulled something out of his saddlebag and handed it across to her.

"You dropped this a while back."

It was Dick's hat. She didn't even remember picking it up. She took it, smoothed out the brim, and put it on her head. Doc reached across and straightened it. Kate gave a crooked half-smile and followed him back to the others.

She rode next to Doc and Chavez the whole time they were in the desert. Soon enough they found a place to camp, and as the sun was going down they built a fire. Kate was the first to bed, asleep almost the minute the sun set. Everyone else filtered off to bed slowly, and Billy ended up being the last sitting by the fire, his folded hands pressed to his mouth. Every few minutes he looked over to Kate's bedroll, watching her sleep, then looking back into the fire. After at least a half hour of this back and forth watching, he shook himself and walked over to Kate. He touched her lightly on the shoulder,

"Katy? You awake?"

She turned over, hearing his voice, and covered her face with her blanket.

"Aw, Kate, I just wanted to talk. ... Please?"

Kate remained unmoved, and Billy sighed in defeat and walked back to his seat on the ground next to the fire. He put his chin in his hand, drawing invisible figures with his finger in the sand. Back in her bed, Kate turned onto her back, watching Billy. He was sitting with his head down, back bent; he looked so...lost, alone. She sat up silently, and drawing her blanket around her, she went just as quietly over to him. He _had_ said 'Please.' Taking a seat next to him, she sighed and got his attention,

"I'm listening."

He turned, surprised, to face her, but looked confused as to where to begin. His mouth moved several times in an attempt to begin a sentence, but here, now, with her right in front of him, he found it impossible to say what he'd rehearsed in his head a thousand times every day since he'd lost his temper. They were simple words, and finally he found them and blurted,

"I'm sorry."

All he got in return was a tight-lipped smile, and Kate turned to face the fire.

"I mean, Jesus. _I _ did that," he added, seeing his mark clearly on her face. "I did that, and I don't know why."

"You were afraid," Kate offered, "Like everyone else. But you've never been afraid of anything in your life. You didn't know who you were anymore."

"Yeah," he whispered, agreeing, "Yeah."

He fell silent for a while, continuing to drag his fingers through the sand nervously. He erased whatever it was he'd drawn furiously and swore,

"Shit. I don't know what the hell to do, Kate. I- I wish I did."

He looked away as Kate saw his eyes start to fill with tears. She touched his face and turned it back to face hers. It scared her, to see Billy so unsure of himself.

"You know what to do. You're just not sure if it's right," she paused, finding the right words, "I trust you."

She leaned in slowly to kiss him on the cheek, and told him he'd better get to bed or he'd be of no use to anyone.

" 'Night, Kate."

Billy went to bed as instructed, feeling comforted but a little strange that Kate had been able to put his feelings into words better than he could. Perhaps she felt the same. He spared one last glance in her direction, then lay on his back, closing his eyes. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	11. Games of Chance

Next morning, Billy was back to his old self. He was all smiles and charming arrogance as he woke up, and the rest cursed the sudden reversal. They had all hated the unsure Billy, but now they almost missed it. Charley was having some difficulty adopting the same attitude, especially when it came to their own death. The paper had been saying some very frightening things about the Regulators, and Charley needed some extra assurance from Billy, the one man he knew that nothing could faze.

Steve went to fetch Billy, saying Charley was just bellyachin' about something he read in the paper.

"Steve told him about the party Sheriff Peppin's plannin' for us." Doc told him.

"Party? Oh you mean the hangin'!" Billy gave that ridiculous smile of his again.

Charley just wanted to be told that they wouldn't get caught, they wouldn't hang, but Billy chose to tell him the pure, honest truth.

"Well, Charley, if we get caught, we're gonna hang. But there's many a slip twixt the cup and a lip."

That wasn't quite the reassurance Charley was looking for, but he knew Billy was right, so he made a request. There was one thing he had to do before he could even think about dying.

Kate rolled her eyes as their horses stopped in front of a small building. A cathouse. She should have known. Though she didn't expect it from Charley...that something like this would be his last wish. When she expressed to him that she'd expected better, he leaned into her and whispered into her ear.

"Oh," she said, apologizing, "So that's it."

"This your last wish Charley? You coulda done this back in Juarez," Steve teased.

"It's called a special woman, you'll understand that someday, Dirtface," Doc defended Charley.

"Somehow I think that _highly _ unlikely, Doc," Kate countered with a smile as she handed Charley a fifty cent piece with a wink.

They awaited Charley's return in a dingy but cozy little parlor attached to the house. Kate winked at Chavez as a woman came beside him and started rubbing his shoulders. She herself took a seat next to Doc at the table with a pint in front of her. She hummed along to the banjo player, he was playing a familiar song._ Buffalo Gals won'tcha come out tonight, Come out tonight..._ Her soft humming stopped abruptly and her head snapped up with the others' as they heard,

"Billy the Kid is $200 flat dead. Not to mention his little whore, Sure Shot Kate-hell, she's up to $350."

All eyes were on Kate as he said this, they didn't know what they expected, but it wasn't what happened. She shrugged her shoulders, and yawning, she lay her head down on the table, eyes closed. Billy stroked her back and neck a bit, brushing the hair off it, then, leaning in to whisper something, he sauntered over to the bar. Kate sat up sleepily, watching him.

"Are you really gonna kill Billy the Kid?' he asked in obvious fake admiration.

The man at the bar who thought he would turned to Billy and made the mistake of seeing him as just another arrogant kid. When Billy repeated himself and asked to see his gun, the man, who Kate now recognized as Texas Joe Grant, twirled his pearl handle like he thought he was a real expert and handed it over with a warning to give it back quickly. Kate saw Billy look over at them as he spun the cartridge free of bullets and snapped it back in, making sure it would land empty. Kate bit her lip to keep from saying anything.

"Pass it on back, now. You stroke a gun like that, you might as well be strokin' a man's woman," Grant said, now eyeing Kate,"How much was she?"

Billy saw where he was ogling, and answered coldly,

"_You_ couldn't afford her, sir."

Grant put his hands up in an apologetic gesture.

"She's all yours, son. But you better do what you came to do to her and get on out of here before you get hurt."

"Could you tell me what to look for, in case I run into the Kid...or Sure-Shot?"

"He's a good lookin' kid, got a way with the women, he's a left hander, and some say he's fond of whistlin' sad ballads. The gal's a real beauty, dark hair, steel eyes, and never seen without her wolf dog she tamed in the desert," Grant said.

Kate had to put her head down to keep from being heard laughing her ass off. Her shoulders shook with laughs and the boys had to clamp their mouths shut to keep from joining her.

"And she blows kisses at all her victims, they say. So you see her makin' eyes at you, you better just come whisperin' back to me."

"Ok," Billy promised.

He turned away and pointed in a mirror.

"Hey! I see him!"

Grant warned Billy a last time to get out of the bar before something happened to him. Billy's only response was to start whistling. He was really off key and off tempo, but the irony wasn't wasted on Grant, who drew his pearl handle and aimed at Billy's forehead. _Click._ Nothing there. Just the hollow sound of an empty chamber. In desperation he tried again. And again, _click_. The expression on Grant's face was priceless as he realized he'd just done himself in. He had offended Billy the Kid. Billy's whistling continued as he drew his own gun and shot Grant right in the chest.

He turned to the others, laughing, as Grant's lifeless body slid down the wall to the floor. He seemed overly satisfied with his fifth kill.

"We'll call it ten. Ten even." Billy argued.

They shook their heads in agreement, then looked up as Charley burst in.

"It's John Kinney!"

Kate and the rest rode literally for their lives, urging their horses almost past their abilities. It _was _ a rush, Kate thought, but absolutely terrifying, and not an experience she cared to repeat. Ever. _Oh no..._ she lifted her head to look ahead of them and noticed the horrible grove of switch-thorn trees they were headed for. It would be the easiest way to evade the Kinney gang, so unfortunately it was the only way to go. She ducked her head as they entered it, trying to avoid too horrible of an injury.

They headed into a shallow creek, and rode along it till they lost the posse. Kate felt a sharp burning pain in her thigh, and gritted her teeth against the pain until they finally stopped to make camp. Kate wandered off in search of a plant, and Doc and Steve took advantage of her absence to strip down and jump in the small hot spring. Charley tried to sit down, but cried out as he noticed a bunch of thorns in his backside. Chavez couldn't really believe he was doing it, but started to help Charley pull them out.

Doc and Steve were well into their bath when Kate returned with a few spiny leaves of a plant in her hand. Billy was entertaining himself by reading aloud from one of a hundred dime novels recently published about him. Kate gingerly sat on a rock by the hot spring, and dipped the leaves in it. She missed the stares of utter shock and scandal as she lifted her skirt and petticoat up to her thigh where the thorns were deeply embedded, and began to yank them out. The scratches bled furiously, so she ripped more pieces of her petticoat and pressed them to her leg. Then she took the leaves and rubbed them along the little thorn marks. She continued to pull them out, one by one, alternately rubbing the leaves and applying pressure with her makeshift bandage, hissing as they stung in the dusty air.

"Ow! Gah...damn thorns...OW!" she complained, looking up, "Oh stop," she ordered, seeing their dropped jaws.

The boys closed their open mouths, but kept looking, even as Doc started talking.

"So Billy, I been thinkin' about our course, and it looks as if we're goin' back into Lincoln, and I know we can't-"

"We are."

Kate hissed again, and looked up at him.

"What? No. You already know Mexico is where we need to be."

"I'm not goin' anywhere till this is over." Billy argued.

"If you stay here, it will never _be_ over, Billy." Kate pointed out.

The rest agreed with Kate, hoping Billy would see hers as the voice of reason. He may have felt worse about hurting her than about anything he'd ever done in his life, but that didn't mean she could order him around now.

"You're all scared." he accused.

Charley took a drink and nodded his head. Doc paused in unwrapping his injured hand and stared defiantly at him. Kate shook her head and grabbed Doc's hand, pressing her remaining leaves to it and ripping fresh shreds from her skirt. Doc hissed quietly as she pressed the leaves into his exposed wound.

"Just some aloe, it will help, trust me," she said quietly aside to Doc. Then she turned to Billy, challenging him,

"Yes, we are, because we're not fools. We been on the run nonstop for weeks, Billy. And I can't take it anymore. You continue riding, ride into all the wars you want. All the ones you can't win. _I,_ for one, am going to Mexico and throwing the greatest fiesta they've ever seen."

The boys nodded as she gave her little speech, and even Billy had to agree. But for him, it was just a stop on the road to proving himself. Getting into Mexico would be harder than anything, he told them. He was willing to take that test, and pass with flying colors for sure. Kate sighed in relief at his nod of agreement, and leaned over to grab the soap.

"Allright, Steve, your turn..." she said as she attacked him with the wanton cruelty of cleanliness.

Doc laughed and said between breaths that Kate had finally won that bet they'd made way back when she was just getting to know them.

The village of Juarez was everything that freedom promised to be. Beds to sleep in, plenty to eat, _baths_, and nothing but fiesta and siesta. And even fans. The villagers shouted as was expected at Billy, _El Chivato, Billito..._ but Kate wasn't expecting a notoriety of her own...they called her _la sombra_, which Chavez told her means 'the shadow.' Small children followed her around the village, asking her questions in Spanish that she couldn't understand. But she played games with them and gave them small gifts, whatever she could spare from her saddlebags. They played a game in which Kate pointed at things and gave the English word, then the children would give it in Spanish. She was learning, although slowly.

The time in Juarez also seemed to pass slowly. It had been only a week, but it seemed to Kate as if she had known nothing else of life but this village. Her fame of riding with Billy had provided instant friends, friends who were at her beck and call almost any time of the day. They popped into her room from time to time, wondering if she needed anything and telling her for the hundredth time that if she should ever need anything... Kate spent a lot of her time politely shooing these friends out of her room.


	12. Flower in the Rain

A sluggish feeling Monday morning found Kate opening her eyes in her bedroom on a shaft of sunlight that cut its way straight across her face, crushing any chance of a late sleep. She sighed and rubbed the dusty sleep from her eyes as she arose. She dressed sluggishly, almost unable to shake the last feelings of lethargy from her tired body, but when she finally finished, she wandered outside where the bright sunshine banished all thoughts of crawling back under the covers.

The streets were already busy, full of people and children running about, shouting in a language Kate was far from being able to interpret. But she still smiled and waved at any person who looked her way, and they smiled shyly back.

A couple of the Regulators stood by a wall next to the main square, leaning on the mud colored brick and drinking, as usual, Kate rolled her eyes as she noticed. Charley was sitting with that girl, again, Kate couldn't recall her name...Marianela? No, something else. She shrugged inwardly, watching them talk. Doc and Billy seemed to be missing. Frowning slightly, she took a seat on an empty rocking chair on her "hotel" porch and leaned into its frame. A thundering sound made her and most of the rest of the villagers turn their eyes to the sky, almost afraid to hope that it might be rain.

Though a few dark clouds hovered nearby, it was soon discovered that the sound had come from a drum of the band rehearsing for a fiesta tonight.

"A _wedding_ fiesta?" Kate was taken aback, "Are you sure?"

Steve paused to spit before answering a simple, "Yup."

Chavez nodded, as if he needed to corroborate Steve's affirmative.

Kate shook her head. _'Three weeks? Charley and Manuela? Married? Three weeks, three, bloody, weeks.'_ She couldn't have been happier for Charley, but it still seemed so sudden, so...unlike Charley. On the other hand, she told herself in her inner struggle, any excuse for a fiesta demands enthusiasm! So she wandered over to Charley and his bride to be and hugged them both vigorously, congratulating them over and over again. The band was rehearsing for the party, and Kate listened with everyone else until the guitar player shouted at her. The only words she caught were "Hey, La sombra! Bonita senorita!" and the rest was far too fast for her.

Chavez translated for her,

"He wants you to dance with them."

"I can't dance!" Kate protested, stretching the long 'a' in can't for emphasis. "I don't know the dance."

Chavez called that back to them, but the band protested, saying,

"They will teach you."

Unable to say no, and flattered that they would even ask, Kate mozied over to the band with fake reluctance, kicking off her heavy boots and lifting her skirts. A few of the village girls went through some easy steps several times to the music, and Kate joined in more quickly than she thought she would be able to. Once she had the steps down, they played a faster tune, and Kate and Manuela and the others kept in step. Other girls stopped their chores to join in, despite the chorus of frustrated mothers (who eventually joined as well).

Soon enough the group became a mini-fiesta, a daytime dance on the dusty red Mexican ground, and despite the incredible heat, no one showed any signs of fatigue. Then came the sound again, and everyone looked to th drum player, who was staring at the sky with wide eyes. All others turned their gazes the same way to find that the dark clouds had moved directly above them, and were beginning to cast a dark shadow over the entire plaza. Everyone was still for a moment, the suspense of their shared held breath achingly long. Silence.

Crack

Another loud boom and a razor of lightning split the sky, accompanied by a chorus of cheers. The band had stopped playing, but the dancing began again with a renewed fervor, everyone creating their own song. Kate grinned and raised her arms to the sky as she spun around, thanking whatever power it might have been that sent the rainclouds. She spun blindly, not seeing anything but the darkening sky, lit occasionally by the sharp smile of a lightning bolt, so she didn't notice he was there until she knocked him down.

"Ow!" she stopped, ready to slam whoever it was until she saw him, "Oh, I'm sorry."

"My fault."

"Now that's not like you at all, Billy."

He smiled, accepting her offered hand, and stood. He didn't know what was going on, and when he asked, all Kate did was give him a disbelieving look and gesture at the sky. Billy's mouth parted in slow wonder, then widened into one of his crazy smiles. He lifted a hand to wipe away the dust that covered one side of his face.

"Honestly, Kate, and I just bathed, too..."

"Full of surprises today, aren't we?"

Though the crowd had been overjoyed at the prospect of rain, its actual manifestation had them all retreating to covered porches to watch from a distance. Only Kate remained, arms spread wide, head turned to the sky, full of memories. She could almost hear her father telling her that England was a sad place, that's why its sky never stopped crying.

'_Why is it so sad?' she'd asked._

_'It's sad because it knows that it can't keep you. Because one day, you'll grow up and go far, far away.''_

_'I would never!' the eight year old Kate had answered, horrified at the thought._

_'I did leave...' she thought, 'and now New Mexico loves me as much as England did.'_

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered a promise to the New Mexican sky.

And she still refused to grow up.

Dick had been the adult in her that she was forced to let out after her father left. She loved him for letting her be that grown up person her father had always hoped for. The rain, she liked to think, was Dick's way of saying that she didn't have to be that strong anymore, not if she didn't want to be.

Her tears mixed with the raindrops trailing down her face, and she dropped her head as she let the rain wash her pain away. The sky flashed a violent shade of turquoise, and she looked up again. She really felt free now, free and herself and alive, for the first time since arriving here. She felt she had died the day her father did, but now...now she could come back. She could be there for those proud and loyal men who needed her; though it often seemed the opposite.

Her feet began moving in a familiar waltz..._one two three, one two three_...and a song sprang to her lips almost against her will.

_I remember_

_I remember_

_How to dance_

_How to dance..._

_In the rain_

_I remember _

_I remember _

_How to forget_

_How to forget_

_The worst pain_

_How can you_

_Not remember_

_You don't recall_

_When we used to dance_

_When the rain_

_Would fall_

Once again she flung her arms out at her sides and twirled slowly as she sang...


	13. Visitation

Greetings readers, both loyal and new! I hope this begins your long journey of forgiving me, as I have been absent and unfaithful in my updates. I hope the new-ish writing style doesn't turn you off. To Beth, I'm sorry this is late, but I hope it's worth the wait! Please review! Chapter 14 already in the works, so hopefully I'll get that to y'all and we can continue the peace talks. Cheerio! -Tiff

Emotion and energy spent, Kate dropped her arms heavily and looked up at the rain falling around her. She was still completely alone in the street, though not without observers. Chavez, for one, was watching her with changed eyes after what he'd heard.

Kate almost didn't realize the song she'd been singing had been in the Cheyenne language. But as she stopped, she closed her eyes and saw disjointed images of people she had forgotten-or perhaps was afraid to remember. She remembered someone singing that song to her as she fell asleep, covered in dirt and tears. More words came to her mind, and she didn't open her eyes for fear of losing them. She was trapped in a waking dream she both wanted to escape and never leave behind. _Migisi…Namid…Odahingun, the old one…Ayashe. Ayashe…_

'_I_ am Ayashe,' said a voice in her head; a voice that sounded like Kate, like the earth and the sky speaking at once.

She didn't know from what place inside her the words had come, but something in these recent days of harsh lessons had awakened the pieces in her past she'd been afraid to embrace; that she'd never shared with anyone and that only she and two men in the world knew. One man. One man in this world, one in the next. Would the Regulators accept this as truth?

"Ayashe." Chavez placed a hand on her swaying shoulder to steady her. "Who calls you this?"

Kate looked at him in disbelief. How had he heard that? She hadn't said it out loud...at least she didn't think she had. But then, Chavez had a way of knowing things he shouldn't. His silence said he was waiting for an answer, but his eyes told her a different story. They said he already knew, that he had always known, and simply wanted to hear the truth from her own lips. The truth, she laughed to herself. Lately the truth had been very elusive-or, when found, not entirely honest. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and gave the shortest reply possible to keep herself from crying.

"You weren't alone at Sand Creek." Kate spared a sidelong glance at Chavez to see what he thought of this, and saw Chavez's usually stony gaze soften for a moment, then look as if he were reliving just the event she mentioned.

Yes, he had known, but from his reaction, she guessed he hadn't been expecting quite the explanation she gave. He then spoke a word she didn't recognize, and all the emotions of days past seemed to flow through her-the guilt left, the sadness was over, and replaced with a sense of safety and relief. She then gave in to the darkness that surrounded her mind and collapsed into the waiting arms of Chavez.

Kate awoke what seemed like days later, lying in the shade of a tree on a blanket. Chavez sat close by, legs crossed under him, silent gaze forward as ever, and looking for all the world like Kate's personal guardian. Kate's throat was dry and her first attempt at speech came as a hoarse growl. She coughed, and tried again.

"Chavez, I-"

"Say nothing, Ayashe. I remember also. You shared your visions with me."

Kate looked almost embarrassed at this, though puzzled and somewhat skeptical of how exactly he'd seen, but she pulled herself together and stood up, though very carefully, and brushed off her dress. She rubbed her eyes with one hand, letting it stop thoughtfully on her cheek.

"I suppose, then, you'll be wanting to tell the others?"

"Don't you?"

Kate remained silent as she turned to fold the blanket.

"I cannot reveal anything you've shown me without your permission. I do think they deserve to know about you and Murphy. It puts them in danger as well, Kate."

So they walked silently together to the house where the Regulators had taken refuge from the storm. They noticed quickly her demeanor, and remained quiet as she began what was for her a long and painful story.

"I am not John Tunstall's real daughter. My mother…" she paused, "was a Cheyenne. And my father was…well…no one knows. I do know he wasn't Cheyenne. I don't know if it was a...welcome union or not, but it happened and here I am-the proper Englishwoman you see before you now."

It was Kate's highest and most foolish hope that Chavez and the others would be satisfied with that explanation, but a circle of stares and a barrage of questions made her think again. She blew out a frustrated breath, and told them all the long and near-forgotten secret of her life.

Murphy, at the time of Kate's conception, had been dealing with the tribe for a time. His prices were exorbitant, and the meat always below quality, but the choices of the tribe were limited, and so they put up with this bigot of a merchant as long as they could. Eventually, though they knew it to be a dangerous choice, they went to the government and switched their patronage, as it was, to a young John Tunstall. Somewhere between this exchange of merchants, Kate's mother, Migisi, became pregnant, though by whom it is still unknown.

Murphy was outraged at losing a contract, even if it was just a bunch of Indians. The rivalry begun between Murphy and Tunstall didn't stop with meat. Migisi became part of their struggle as well. It had been jealousy and greed that killed John, and Migisi's death was victim to the same emotions of a twisted man. Her child, through some miracle, was saved, delivered moments before Murphy's men ravaged the camp. Murphy was somehow smart enough to use the child as his excuse for murdering the tribe. He made up a story about the girl, once seeing her skin was pale enough to pass for white. It was reported that Murphy was only rescuing the newborn daughter of his lover, Mary McGrady. Mary was indeed his lover, and any impropriety or scandal surrounding their affair was erased with the sad news of her death-killed by the same Indians who had mercilessly separated a woman from her child.

Kate, or Ayashe as she had been named first, Namid and her young son were the only survivors of the Cheyenne in that area. Namid went to the tribe's meat dealer, Tunstall, to beg of his justice. Namid knew John had loved Migisi, whether or not he was Ayashe's father. John couldn't keep all of them safe at his ranch without being conspicuous, but he did take in Ayashe, whom he renamed Kate, and invented an overseas wife to dissolve suspicion. Namid and her son disappeared-and no one noticed but John.

Years passed, and as keeping Kate content in the house became harder, John sent Kate to London on a steamer with a letter of credit, directions to give a driver, and a key to a flat that was still empty after years of disuse.

"The end," Kate attempted a smile that came out wavering and crooked. Looking up and seeing their faces, she recanted and said, "I mean, that's really all I know. I know there are a lot of holes in my story, but it's all I remember. Not even John knows all of it. I don't know of anyone who does, except maybe Murphy. And as the plan is to kill him, I'll never know."

Their expressions were hard to read. Did they feel she had deceived them? What did this change, if anything? It was true after her 'awakening,' as Chavez called it, that she felt different, but that didn't mean she wanted them to see her any other way than they had from the beginning. And all this wondering, as the silence grew into a thing almost sacred, that no one felt should be broken, led to her wondering-what would Dick have said? Would it have mattered at all?

She knew Dirty Steve was having problems with this without even looking at him. His treatment of Chavez and all non-whites had told her long ago what he would think. She almost felt it served him right, having the girl who had been so often the object of his fantasies turn out to be half red. But then, she thought, now he'd never trust her again. This was probably the worst thing she could have told him-the one thing, in fact, that could turn him against her.

Charley seemed alright with it; Kate hadn't been worried about him. She did worry about Doc, who had felt a special connection to her. Perhaps he'd only felt that way because of her relationship to John. And Billy...well Billy had always had funny ideas about her from the beginning. What were his ideas of her now?

Soon enough, her gaze traveled to Chavez, where she saw in his eyes the same idea of her he'd always had. For him, at least, nothing in what she had said took anything from or added to his opinion of her. That brought a sense of relief like Kate had never known, and with it, a certain vindication. 'Screw what they think...I'm still the same person. Perhaps even more of who I am than before.' And that was what gave her courage to break the silence.

"I suppose it's about supper time; y'all had better get washed up." As she turned to leave, she gathered a certain amount of bravery and shot back into the room, "Especially you, Steve."


	14. Drifting

What had happened before they found themselves at the house of the lawyer McSween's was a bit of a blur for Kate. During the fiesta she had been calm, smiling; she might even have been happy. Everyone else seemed to be, and even Steve and Chavez were speaking to each other. There hadn't been any tension among the group almost the entire time they spent in Mexico. Steve was speaking to her, wonder of wonders, and no one brought up her story or asked any questions. Occasionally she would think she saw Doc or Chavez looking at her, curious expressions on their faces, but when she looked back at the she just saw them smiling at her.

She remembered Manuela, Charley, and how happy they had been in their few hours of marriage. She danced at their wedding, and hugged Manuela, a girl she barely even knew, and wished her luck and happiness in her life with Charley in what Kate knew was awful Spanish, But Manuela had smiled at her and thanked her anyway. She also remembered knocking Charley on his ass to make him stay with her, and how he had come to and followed them anyway. There was just no reasoning with that boy's sense of loyalty, misplaced though it may have been.

Kate was at a loss as to why anyone would want to harm Alex. When that rider had come up and given them all the news, her heart had plummeted, feeling like the ocean floor, colder and deeper than she could bear. Kate hadn't hesitated in agreeing to help Alex and Susan; after all, they and the Regulators were all she had anymore. Even her newfound sense of peace with herself wouldn't let her forgive anything happening to them on her account.

"Murphy wants the girl. Kate has to be with you, or he won't even think about leaving the McSweens alone."

Once more, she thought, I am a burden.

Half a day, two days, or more...she didn't really recall. She rode when they rode, camped and slept and ate when they did. She went back and forth between being scared enough to be sick and a steely determination to kill a man and not feel guilty afterward. Just because it was Murphy didn't mean she wouldn't have to deal with her actions after he was dead. She was always lost in these thoughts, and after the boys found that it took at least three tries to get her attention, they left her alone in her mind. A few times, she actually thought she would turn herself in, and being alone with her thoughts made her forget who she was with. One night at the fire, she started talking.

"Best thing to do. Nothing else to be done."

The men turned to her, their own conversation ending.

"Kate?" Doc was closest, and his voice snapped her out of her reverie.

"You see it, don't you? You must, all of you, and I don't want you to stop me from turning myself in."

Those few words set all the Regulators into a frenzy, jumping to their feet to be near Kate, tipping over plates and spilling cups of water everywhere.

"Now look, you're making an absolute mess," Kate tried to joke.

"You are not, Kate." Doc looked at her, pleading with his eyes, hoping that she would change her mind then and there. If he made it through this, if they made it, there were things he wanted to say to her, to ask her...and he'd be damned if he was going to let Murphy take that chance from him.

"We're fighters, Kate. No two ways about it. I can't let you turn the Regulators into a bunch of sissies on a whim."

Billy's plea was less heartfelt than Doc's, but hell, through this all he'd thought of Kate as one of the boys. She was a Regulator through and through, and she was the best of all of them.

Steve and Charley just nodded in agreement, with mumbles of something like, "Yeah, Kate, you're one of us," thrown in for good measure.

Chavez fixed Kate with his always enigmatic stare and walked away. Kate blinked, wondering what he was doing. She looked around at the men surrounding her, shadows shifting in the light of the fire, and was surprised to find that she didn't feel like crying. Not out of happiness nor frustration, she just jumped up and hugged them, feeling strangely at peace, for a woman who had just agreed to have a shootout with the most dangerous man in Lincoln.

"You know," she began, "this may very well be our last night in each other's company. And I think that perhaps this calls for a little celebration."

One of the men pulled a bottle of whiskey, remarkably unharmed in the rough days of riding, and perhaps even more remarkably, unopened. Hopefully not too much celebration, then. And Kate wouldn't touch the stuff. She'd stick to water, thank you, seasoned with desert air, smoke from the fire and...dirt? Oh well, Kate shrugged as she swallowed a mouthful of the questionable liquid mixture, at least it tasted better than whiskey. Now where did Chavez get to? Kate wandered around the bright circle around the fire, unable to see him by its light. She called back to the group before she went out in to the considerably colder and darker desert, looking for Chavez.

He wasn't far from where he'd been sitting around the fire, but he was far enough that the light and heat of the fire wouldn't be able to touch him. Kate came up beside him, with a cup of water in her hand, feeling he would have been offended to have been offered whiskey. Understandably, of course.

"Chavez?"

When he didn't turn his head, she continued,

"I only said what I said out of concern for all of you. If it means you're all free, then I have to be strong enough to do what's right. I still might."

Chavez turned, though just barely, to look at her. Kate looked up at him, waiting for a reply. He stared down at her for long enough for her to begin to feel uncomfortable, and though they were far from the flames of the campfire, Kate's face burned. She broke the gaze first, staring into her water cup, knowing that in the darkness Chavez must have seen her blush.

"My freedom can't be given by a murderer. Or by you."

Now Kate looked at him in anger, eyes burning with what might have been tears, but she was too angry to even think about letting them fall.

"What are you trying to say? That I'm wrong?"

Kate didn't need him to answer. She knew she was. It would never end if she gave herself up. She just wanted them to know she would do anything for them. And she was tired, honestly tired of running, of fighting, of seeing those she loved die. She just needed a reason, a reason beyond revenge. Something deeper, a reason her father would approve. This whole time she'd been running with them, she could almost hear her father telling her that revenge is useless; that is perpetuates a cycle of killing, and the blood won't stop when you want it to.

"I'm telling you what you need to hear. I'm telling you what your father would if he were here. We can't escape this. It won't end the bloodshed, nothing will. That will not come until all is ended."

Kate blew out whatever stupid reply she had prepared to give in a sigh of anger and submission. Chavez was right, bloody know-it-all. He placed his hand on her shoulder.

"You know we have to see this to the end. Or there will not be one."

With that, they walked back to what sanctuary the fire and the slightly intoxicated Regulators were able to offer. Kate thought about all that had happened, and as she fell asleep, she found herself fervently wishing she would wake up tomorrow morning and all would be different. The war would be over, and her father and Dick would be back, and she could go back to how things had been.


End file.
